It happens every spring. April to be exact. I fall into a creative slump. The “I suck” comments are completely overpowering the “I got this” mantras in my head. I start the dreaded exercise of checking Facebook, comparing myself to others, over feeding the “I suck” machine.

It happens every April.

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I debate if I am worthy enough to be an artist, an educator, a voice. I wonder if my fans and followers will see through my facade and call me out on being a fraud. “I don’t know what I am doing”, I say to myself. How can I expect to help other when I suck so badly.

It happens every April.

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I try to come up with a backup plan in my head. What would I do if I wasn’t a photographer? Who would I be? What other talents might I have. If I quit, would I let down my family, my sponsors, my fans…. myself? Would I miss my camera? The women I work with?  Would something else fulfill me like photography? The struggles, the smiles, the tears and the joy.

It happens every April.

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Last April was a bad one. I was thiiiiis close to quitting. I didn’t. I struggled through though, I can’t lie to you about that. I don’t know why it was such a tough time. I try to give myself a break. I try to remind myself that being great will only come with practice, and patience. Patience. Not my strongest suit…. Sigh.

This April I was determined not to fall in the slump. I have spent my sleepless night thinking of what I can do to prevent it. Take control of my feelings and insecurities. I decided on few things. The first is getting creative.

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I decided I needed to get out of the studio.  I shot this weekend on Long Island at the White House Farms Mansion. This was a great opportunity to push some limits. I decided on a milk bath.

Milk bath photography is so popular these days, but I wanted to do it differently. They are typically very muted and romantic. I decided to make it colorful and edgier.

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I don’t know if I succeeded in making beautiful images, but I DO know that I succeeded in making myself happy. It was so amazing to shoot for me. No pressure, just fun. No limits, no naysayers. No one else to impress. Just me, my camera and whatever else I wanted.

This April, I win.

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I would love to hear from you guys about your experiences. Do you fall into slumps? What do you do to prevent it? Help yourself? How do you push your creativity?

 

xo,

Jen

 

PS… Thank you to my amazing beauty team Diana and Toni for helping my visions come to life.

All Images shot with the Nikon D3S, Sigma 50mm Art and lit by the Westcott Flex.